


With This Sweater, Everything Gets Better

by orphan_account



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:25:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix looked through his closet for the fifth time as if he expected new clothes to appear. He didn’t really want to go to Kimball’s party, but he had already agreed to go. It was just...HE was going to be there. Felix wasn’t sure if he could handle that. Felix’s hand stopped on the same sweater for the fifth time in a row. It was dark green with black details. It was HIS, but Felix had kept it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With This Sweater, Everything Gets Better

**Author's Note:**

> Based off this prompt
> 
> “yes, i know this is your sweatshirt and that we broke up five months ago but it’s really comfy okay. i totally don’t wear it because like it still smells like you or is the only thing that even remotely feels like home since i moved out. pfft. absolutely not.” AU 
> 
> MIXED WITH 
> 
> “we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad” AU
> 
> Enjoy the sad

Felix looked through his closet for the fifth time as if he expected new clothes to appear. He didn’t really want to go to Kimball’s party, but he had already agreed to go. It was just...he was going to be there. Felix wasn’t sure if he could handle that. Felix’s hand stopped on the same sweater for the fifth time in a row. It was dark green with black details. It was his, but Felix had kept it. 

“Fuck it,” Felix muttered, pulling the sweater off the hook and slipping it on. He buried his nose in it, taking deep breaths as he shut his eyes. He loved this sweater. Loved seeing him in it. Loved stealing it and wearing when he needed it. He was going to wear it tonight. Maybe it would make things a little easier. 

Felix went to the bathroom next, styling his hair or at least trying to. It just wasn’t looking right. This one stupid fucking piece wouldn’t get in the right spot. Felix gave up, huffing loudly before starting on his make up. He used to hate Felix wearing make up. Used to tell Felix it was a waste of money and time. Felix didn’t care. He liked it. He liked being able to create a mask, to be able to hide and pretend for a while. Pretend that he was pretty and people liked him. He did his whole face, even his eyebrows, wanting to be as pretty as he could get. 

Felix grabbed his favorite black boots, sliding them on and tying them up tightly before grabbing his keys and wallet. He checked himself in the mirror, making sure everything was perfect. It had to be perfect. He had to look perfect when he saw him. Felix wanted him to see what he was missing. Wanted him to miss Felix. After psyching himself up again, Felix head out, reminding himself that he could do this the whole way to Kimball’s house. 

Felix almost turned back three times, almost, but he pushed on. He could do this. He could. He arrived at Kimball’s house, knocking on the door and waiting. If she didn’t answer in fi-

“Felix!” Kimball exclaimed, opening the door, “look at you! Fuck...Kai is going to be so jealous of you. You look amazing.” Felix’s face lit up a bit. At least Kimball thought he looked good. He let her hug him, frowning a bit over her shoulder before putting his smile on again. 

“Thanks! Who’s all here?” he wondered. It was code for is he here. Kimball smiled gently. 

“Kai and Grif with Simmons of course. Tucker is on his way. Locus is in the living with Wash picking out music. Doyle is in the kitchen with Smith. They’re making some food still,” Kimball explained. Felix nodded as she talked, trying to keep his face from giving anything away. 

“Go ahead and get comfy,” Kimball encouraged, pushing Felix gently away from the door. Felix allowed it, heading off to try and find Kai. At least she would be cool and talkative so Felix didn’t have to talk. 

“Felix!” Kai screamed when he walked into the living room. The girl got up, bouncing over happily and pulling him into a hug. Felix kept his eyes down, not wanting to see Locus and Wash by the stereo. 

“Kai!” he exclaimed, reminding himself to play the part. 

“I’m so jealous! I hate how you can get your eyeliner so pointed!” Kai complained, smiling brightly at him. Felix shrugged. 

“Practice my dear, lots and lots of practice,” he told her, the same answer he always gave when she commented. 

“Come sit with us!” Kai demanded, dragging him towards the couch. Simmons was sitting on Grif’s lap already and gave Felix a small smile. Grif rolled his eyes. 

“What’s up princess?” Grif muttered. Grif was like him in the way that they didn’t understand why Felix wore makeup. Simmons was nicer about it, even asking Felix to try it on him once. Simmons made Felix swear never to tell Grif. 

“You’re just jealous that I look better than you every single day,” Felix replied simply, turning to talk to Kai sitting next to him instead. 

“Least I don’t need to hide behind all that shit just to see my ex,” Grif commented lowly. Felix froze, swallowing thickly as he put his hands in his lap. He twisted his fingers together painfully, a horrible habit of his when he was uncomfortable. He didn’t hear what Kai said, too stuck in his head. 

“I have arrived!” Tucker yelled from the door. Kai was up in a flash, yelling about Carolina being here. Grif and Simmons got up when they heard Church’s voice. Felix watched them all leave, smiling sadly to himself. He felt a presence over him, prompting him to glance over to see Locus standing by him. Felix glanced around for Wash, but the man had vanished as well. 

“Is that mine?” Locus wondered, nodding at Felix. Felix glanced down at the sweater, staring at it for a while in silence. He hoped someone would come back quickly. He could hear them all talking by the door. He nodded slowly. 

“Yeah. Yeah it is,” he admitted, sparing a look back up to Locus. The man’s face was unreadable, something Felix hated now. He used to be able to read Locus like his favorite book. Used to understand the man and know everything. Now...after what happened, Felix was pretty sure he never knew Locus at all.

“I want it back,” Locus commented firmly. Felix didn’t even bother to argue. He just nodded instead. He didn’t feel like fighting. Usually he was loud. He would start shit and call people names and make a scene, but now...now he was just tired. He was so tired of everyone hating him so much. If Locus couldn’t put up with him, no one could. He didn’t even know why Kimball invited him here. Why would she? They weren’t good friends. She was more friends with Locus then him. Felix stood up quickly, grabbing the sweater and pulling it over his head. He had on his raddy old orange tank top underneath. He could wear that instead. He shoved the sweater at Locus. 

“Here,” he offered, waiting until Locus took the sweater before leaving the room in a rush. He headed for the bathroom, closing the door and locking it before looking at himself in the mirror. He reached up slowly, running his fingertips along his drawn on eyebrows down to his rosy cheeks. He touched his painted lips up his nose to his foundation covered forehead. He let his hand fall with a sigh, thinking back to Grif’s words. 

He forced a smile, practice in the mirror to make sure it looked good. It hurt. Course it hurt. He remembered the fight every day. He still didn’t understand why Locus left him. He didn’t know what he did wrong or what had happened. One day they were fine, the next Locus was packing his things. Felix tried to not dwell on it. He didn’t want to lose it and ruin his makeup after all his hard work. There was a gentle knock at the door.

“Just a minute!” Felix called, making up his mind. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t stay. Not when everyone hated him. Not when even Locus hated him. He didn’t have anyone, but that was okay. Felix was used to no one liking him. He opened the door quickly, nearly walking into Locus. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking away before trying to push pass Locus. The man grabbed his arm gently, moving Felix back into the bathroom. Locus walked in as well, shutting the door behind him. Felix gave Locus a worried look, wondering what was going on. 

“Are you okay?” Felix wondered, watching Locus close for anything to help him figure the man out. 

“Are you?” Locus shot back. Felix nodded quickly, putting on his practiced smile. 

“Oh yeah. I’m great. Things are great. Did Kimball tell you that I got a promotion-” 

“I don’t really care about that right now,” Locus cut him off. Felix mouth snapped shut. Oh...oh yeah. Locus didn’t care. Locus left him. Locus said he couldn’t take Felix anymore because....because Felix didn’t know. Felix nodded awkwardly, looking around for some answer on what to do. 

“Soo, umm...how are you?” he asked, wondering why Locus cornered him in the first place. 

“Curious,” Locus answered. Felix gave him a confused look, noticing that Locus had that one look on his face. That look like something was interesting and needed to be solved. He looked at puzzles like that often. Felix always liked that look. 

“About what?” Felix questioned, fingers moving to play with one of the holes in his tank top. It didn’t go with his nice jeans or boots or his makeup, but it was comfy. 

“About why you wore my sweater,” Locus replied. Felix shrugged. 

“It was in my closet,” Felix said, moving towards the door, “if that’s all then I’ll just-” 

“Why are you wearing that?” Locus spoke up, nodding to Felix’s tank top. Felix looked down at the old thing, shrugging again. 

“I just grabbed it. I needed something to wear under the-”

“You only wear that when you’re upset,” Locus pointed out, cutting Felix off again. Felix shook his head quickly. 

“I do not. I wear this all the time,” he said quickly. Locus was right. This tank top had seen him through a lot. He loved it. He never wanted to throw it away, though Locus tried to a few times. 

“Felix, I know you-” 

“Can we not do this?” Felix begged, cutting Locus off for once. The other man gave him a concerned look. 

“Not do what?” Locus wondered. 

“You know what,” Felix snapped, getting a little annoyed, “let me out. I just want to go home.” 

“You just got here,” Locus pointed out. Felix crossed his arms over his chest to look threatening, but mostly he just wanted to hug himself. 

“And now I’m leaving. Funny how that works,” Felix hissed. Locus rolled his eyes. 

“You always do this. Fucking always. You can never just be straightforward and answer one damn question,” Locus growled. 

“Is that why you left?” Felix asked without thinking. Locus froze. Felix shrank back, looking away towards the shower. He never asked. He didn’t ask Kimball if she knew. He didn’t ask Simmons. He didn’t ask Wash or Carolina or Church or anyone if they knew why Locus left. He didn’t deserve to know. 

“You know why I left, Felix,” Locus stated. Felix nodded his head in agreement even though he really didn’t know. 

“Why did I leave?” Locus asked, moving towards Felix.

“You left because...” Felix trailed off. What should he say? What was he supposed to say? 

“You left,” he started over, “You left because I was annoying? Because I wore makeup and you hated that? Because I embarrassed you? Because I picked fights and started shit and....and I guess you left because you learned I’m an annoying shit who’s stupid and careless and doesn’t deserve anything good in his life.” Felix stared at his boots, wondering for a moment if he should try clicking his heels to go home. 

“You really don’t know,” Locus said, causing Felix to look up and see the confused look on Locus’ face. Felix nodded. 

“Yeah. You never said what I did. I never...I never got to say I was sorry for fucking it all up,” Felix replied, swallowing down his nerves. It would be okay. Just breath Felix. Keep it together. 

“That’s not why. Felix it was nothing about you,” Locus explained. Felix ducked his eyes, moving his feet a bit. 

“I mean it. It wasn’t you. It was me. I couldn’t take....I couldn’t handle-” 

“Me?” Felix tried to finish for him. 

“No. I couldn’t handle how much you loved me,” Locus protested. Felix nodded his head in understand. Course. That makes sense. Felix was too clinging. Too needy. Too annoying about wanting to go out to eat and wanting to celebrate anniversary. 

“Yeah. I get that,” Felix agreed, trying to move towards the door again. 

“You don’t,” Locus snapped, raising his hand quickly, too quickly to grab Felix’s arm. Felix flinched, ducking back so quickly he nearly fell. He remembered. He remembered their last fight. He remembered yelling at Locus, getting in his face and spitting on him. He remembered the slap that shut him up for good followed by Locus leaving. He remembered. 

“Sorry. I don’t get it,” Felix echoed, shrinking into himself. Locus gave Felix a sad look. 

“I should never have hit you,” Locus admitted, “you didn’t deserve that. No one does. Do you remember that night?” Felix glanced at him nervously before nodding. 

“I made dinner?” he asked, making sure they were talking about the same thing. Locus nodded in agreement. 

“You did. And I was-” 

“Late,” Felix finished in a soft voice. Locus nodded again. 

“I thought you were going to be so mad at me when I saw everything laid out. The candles, the dim lighting, the special plates,” Locus explained, “but you weren’t. You weren’t mad. You just gave me this look. You looked so excited. Like you didn’t care I was late and I missed dinner, you were just so happy to see me. I couldn’t take it.” Felix listened closely, but he didn't understand. Why was that wrong? 

“I’m sorry?” he offered, trying to follow along. He wasn’t sure what part he was supposed to play here. Locus laughed sadly. 

“Don’t say that. You have nothing to be sorry for. Felix, this isn’t about you-Wait no, that’s not right. This is about how amazing you are and how I couldn’t measure up to that,” Locus explained sadly, “you had so much love for me. You were always there. For everything. You got mad sure, but you always calmed down easy. You always tried to help me. You never asked for much. You had such a big heart. I knew I didn’t deserve it.” Felix sniffed loudly, reaching up to rub at his nose a bit. 

“Oh Felix,” Locus said gently, moving towards him to try and hug him. Felix moved back. 

“I don’t...I don’t get it. You...you left because you thought you weren’t good enough for me?” Felix tried to get a better answer. 

“In simple terms yes,” Locus agreed with a nod. Felix glanced around in confusion. 

“I thought...but you said it was because of me. Because I could never understand and I thought...I thought you meant that I did something wrong. I thought you were mad that I made dinner. That you...hated me,” Felix admitted. Locus shook his head. 

“I don’t hate you. I could never ever ever hate you, Felix. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. I should have explained. I should have sat you down and talked to you. Instead I let my fears take over. I started a fight with you. I tore you down. I fucking hit you, which Kimball still hasn’t let me live down, and I’m glad for that because I will never forgive myself.” Locus took a minute to think before he started again, taking Felix’s hand in his to hopefully connect with him how much this meant. “Felix, it’s just that I didn’t know how to handle it. I overreacted and when I realized what I did, I couldn’t live with looking at your face with that hurt look knowing I was the one who put it there. I didn’t think you could ever forgive me, and even if you did, I wasn’t sure how I could ever forgive myself.”

Felix didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say. He was still at a loss for words. Locus must have taken his silence for a clear no, because the man kept talking. “It was never you in this, and I just never had the words to tell you that it was me that drove us apart because I didn’t want to see that look on your face again.” Felix took a deep breath, smiling shyly. 

“Do you have the words now?” Felix wondered. Locus shook his head, making Felix’s smile vanish. 

“Words are hard for me. You’re the word guy. But I can show you,” Locus offered quickly. Felix gave him a quizzical look before shrugging. 

“Okay. I guess you can-” Felix didn’t get to finish before Locus’ lips were pressed again his. Felix expected it to get heated fast, for Locus to push his tongue in and make Felix pant for more, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was shy and slow. It was such a little kiss, almost timid and nervous, like Locus wasn’t sure about it that much. Felix pulled away, eyes turning towards the mirror as he wondered if Locus was only doing this for a bad reason. 

“I-”

“I really fucked it up didn’t I?” Locus cut Felix off. Felix shook his head. 

“No no, it’s me. I just....I don’t want you to make the same mistake,” Felix admitted. Locus reached out, cupping Felix’s cheek and making him turn to look. 

“You were never and will never be a mistake,” Locus said firmly, “Never. Felix you are wonderful. You are magical. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.” 

“Then why are you so scared?” Felix wondered softly, reaching up himself to touch Locus’ cheek. 

“I’m scared you’ll realize you can do so much better. That you’ve moved on and don’t want me,” Locus replied. Felix laughed, giving Locus a smile before lifting up to kiss him this time. The kiss was still soft, still tender and new again, but Felix wasn’t scared. He knew he still loved Locus. He knew he would always. Locus kissed back better this time, seeming much more confident. 

After a few moments, Felix took Locus’ hand in his and pushed him toward the door. “Come on. They’re going to be wondering where we are and if we get tired of their questions, we can just go back to my place. Like old times.”

Locus shook his head and Felix’s face fell for a moment. “Won’t be like old times because I only want to create new times with you from here out.” Felix stared at Locus for a moment before reaching out and giving the man a little shove. 

“You are such a dork!” he declared loudly, laughing a bit. Locus smiled brightly, laughing as well before leaning in to kiss Felix again. 

“But I can be your dork.”

“I would like that,” Felix agreed. Locus squeezed Felix’s hand, kissing his cheek. They finally returned to the party, slipping back into the group like nothing had happened. Felix didn’t notice the look of relief Kimball gave the pair or the smirk Grif had on his face. No, Felix only noticed Locus. Only noticed him. After all this time, the world seemed to be right again. 

The End.


End file.
